Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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