so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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