am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
