four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
