i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
