He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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