I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
do nipples grow back?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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