Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
