I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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