I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
