If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
