It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
