his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
