I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
