What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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