I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
