Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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