You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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