i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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