Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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