of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
