i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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