hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
honey bunches of taint.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
