he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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