Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
