just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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