what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
