You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
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Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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