apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
