I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
