glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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