if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
