So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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