I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Couch. On fire.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
