i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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