I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
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