U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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