I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
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St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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