"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
love makes seman taste better
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
