He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
