I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
