Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Please, let me fuck your mom
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
