I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
