Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
