Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
