NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
