I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
