Is it because I queefed?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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