I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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