i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
did i walk over a car last night?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
