As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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