I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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