Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
