WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
