that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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