I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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