my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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