I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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