"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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