ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
