i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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