So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
