I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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