Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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