is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
