I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Houston, we have a squirter
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
