Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
only you would photoshop your dick
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
