Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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