i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
