I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
